Editor's Note: Originally written on 8/21/1995, found in my notes while cleaning. I used to write as a character of mine who was a monk from an order that revered Cows, the Royal Order of Moo. We all had names in the order; Brother Charles, Bob, Bill, The Keeper, and Fred (me). I know, it is odd, but I spent time writing as this character and I found that my younger self had a small amount of wisdom. I only hope I can understand and listen to that man as he speaks to me now. I hope you enjoy this series of writings.
It seems that when it rains it pours. My spirits are still high, but I am now accustomed to things just not working out. I am looking forward to the time when all of this is over, but I am also trying to learn any new things I can get away with from this situation. Here is a summary of some of the things I learned, in brain dump fashion. Ready, GO!
I am in a bad place and I need your help. Please read this entire (rather lengthy) blog. I cannot give complete details at this time, but I can tell you this: I am currently in the middle of a trial related to the car accident that I had in January. I am suspended from work and I have no income for the foreseeable future, at least until the case is settled. I am thinning down to a Spartan (Awooo!) lifestyle and I have a little bit of savings after the initial lawyer fees, but that won't last me past a month or two. I will likely be selling things that I can part with, so please be prepared to help me to find buyers if you cannot donate. This will very likely include my home, if it goes too long. If you can spare anything so that I do not have to liquidate my life, I would appreciate it. If you owe me anything, I am calling in those markers. Since I tend to loan money and then forget about it, I don't remember all of the loans I may have given out. If I remembered, I have already sent out separate communication. If not, well this is your chance.
We are largely a product of the choices we make. Things that we did when we were young have made other choices before us irrelevant or unavailable. Also, certain other choices are only available to us because of those same choices.
2011 is done and we are on our way into the beginning of 20112. I am amazed how many things can happen in a year and still make me feel unfulfilled and rather unaccomplished. I know I have made strides this year in my life, but without this yearly writing, it is hard to quantify and therefore to accept. And, as we all know acceptance is necessary for growth. I went through some tough things that made me reevaluate my life. Here is the short list, not in any particular order. They were all pretty significant to me, and all of them affected me, each in their own way. I shall catalog them for you now.
This was the only time I can remember not wanting to come home. The gates were open and the guards were quiet as we passed through. They courtyard was shortly filled with servants and villagers, all come to see what was happening. And as they realized what it was they began weeping and wailing. The sight was almost too much for me to bear. No. It was too much for me to bear. I left Balor to the task of securing the body of my father until the funeral, while I went to find Mother. She would not handle the news well, but it had to be done. She would already be hearing that we had returned and likely the news of her husband’s death would be reaching her ears soon as well. I needed to be there.
Surrounded in the dark, he could hear them closing in. Growls and snarls and howls were all around him, ready to strike at any moment. Pathfinder was in his hands, its light quenched by some foul spell. Twice, he had tried to dispel it, but he was no match for this power. There was just enough light to see a sword-length from him, but barely enough to react when the first one came through. Ducking under the raking claws, the warrior cut across the underbelly of the beast above him. Following through to the dirt below, the beast was hurled away back into the darkness as another jumped upon the swordsman’s back. Grabbing it over his shoulder, he rolled forward and threw the monster onto the ground before him, ending on its chest. Pulling the sword up with both hands for a finishing blow, he was abruptly struck on his side and hit the ground hard. His sword was thrown off into the darkness and he was plunged into complete darkness.