Amazing how, nearly every time I use THC to get past my anxiety or depression, I want to post epiphanies it provides to me with y'all. Weird.

And that is what I am doing now. That might not seem like much to you, but these are unmasked thoughts as my behaviour gets analyzed over the last few hours, days or sometimes weeks. I can shut off parts of my brain for long periods of time. If I don't want to feel something, just "click" and its off. It does, however, log somewhere that my high brain can apparently see. It then wants to talk about them without the anxiety preventing it. No consideration for the social ramifications, just raw analysis.

What I cannot do is *delete* the emotions, so eventually they are coming.

I don't share most of these epiphanies, for that last reason. But I can share that it occurs.

Watching Voyager, in parallel to this writing and noticed that I feel real pity for Tom Paris. He's kinda an idiot, compared to the rest of them. Like the Jock in a room full of Nerds.

And Neelix. I could write a whole blog about him. I wonder if that would be interesting? But, I digress.

I say Part One because I am writing them down, as they occur to me so I can read about them later in my reflection. It turns out my younger self was kind enough to leave me some notes, so my "fuck around and find out" attitude could have some data to with it. So, I am keeping up the habit, even if they only get read by me.

Because that has always been who I am writing about, so it fits it should always be good for me. I am finally starting to allow myself that. I am still deciding how much to share across that boundary of me to you. Outside of my therapist, I have been keeping the specifics of my therapy to myself. I am weighing out the damage it will cause versus the help it could give you.

So you mighthear more of these epiphanies, and I will mark them the same. If you don't want something that raw, I don't recommend you read them.