Sitting here in bed trying to get up. Lately that's been much harder than it used to be. And it's not just from the pain from arthritis. It's more mental. I just don'twant to get up.

Why should I get up?

I don't have a job and it's very very difficult for this old man to find one. As of right now I have one prospect that doesn't look good and I can't seem to get connected with anything else.

I have no functioning car. I have bone spurs making walking very difficult for longer periods and I have a level of depression that is difficult to get rid of. Or even quantify fully.

I'm starting over in almost every way that a person can start over in life. And it seems due to some unforeseen circumstances, it's almost completely scorched Earth.

I have barely enough for one more month's rent. I have no vehicle, no job and no interest in getting either. And this is how I've been living for awhile now.

I'm being sued for credit card debt I can't pay, which has prompted me to file for bankruptcy.

And, in case that's not enough, I've started filing for disability.

It's a conundrum really. How much of myself can I commit to a new life while still maintaining the existing one until I can change it?

I have some hope cuz there are things coming up that if they come to fruition I would be much happier.

But, they require a lot of effort and a lot of money and I don't have a whole lot of either.

We'll see how much goodwill I have left with some people. It should be a lot considering how much it's cost me but I understand sometimes people just can't do it. Or won't.

And so we head into March, not quite sure what to do. I'm moving into it cautious, hopeful and mindful of myself. I cannot afford to let someone burn me out again. I might not survive it this time.

I'll find some kind of work that gets me a couple grand a month so I can survive. Wish me luck!

Walking the path,

Me.

Resist. Do not obey in advance.